Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Teddy Bears

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves on one of the bedroom walls, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall.

She's immediately touched by the amount of thought he's put into organizing the display. There are small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She finds it strange for a young man to have such a large collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

All the while she's thinking to herself ... This is wonderful! Maybe this guy could be the one! Maybe he could father my children!...etc. She turns to him...they kiss.. and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, strokes his chest and asks coyly,............"Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Monday, July 25, 2005

Just took the test and it told me I'm 22.7 which is not too bad considering I turned 22 on 20th July.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Political Compass

Wednesday March 03, 2004
Economic Left/Right: -1.88,
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.38

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Economic Left/Right: -1.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.03

Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Economic Left/Right: -2.13
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.00

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

CURTAIN RODS - Revenge is so sweet
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning and mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely. She said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth - but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed.
Within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...including the curtain rods.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Charles Schultz

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions.

Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care."Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)
complaints sent by tenants to landlords!!!

1. My bush is really overgrown at the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put is foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their teenaged son is always banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was the bad wind we had the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with strange smells in my drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.